the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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