I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He passed out mid-signature
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
