Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
a search helicopter?!
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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