My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
