I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
