so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
