I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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