RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
