I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Dick very happy bro
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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