Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
