I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
