these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
