I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
