You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
im holly from the hills drunk
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
