Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
