If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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