if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
