Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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