This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
