hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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