cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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