Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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