Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
