so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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