he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
