I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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