I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
