I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
