sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
