I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
