your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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