Ambien. No doubt about it.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
