I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You ruined the universe
Randomize
