I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
