its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I need water and some morals
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
