i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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