Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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