I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
