??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
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