are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize