dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
