so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
