When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I believe in your delicious
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
