i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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