I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
