There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
