Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize