Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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