I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize