is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
