i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
