How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
