My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
