I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize