Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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