I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
