i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
