does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
