The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I pour the whiskey from now on
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