I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
