Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
