Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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