is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
