I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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