C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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