So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
