honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
